The most damaging myth in our society that contributes to the failure of adults to see the harmful effects of punishment is the myth that children are selfish, cruel, difficut to manage and control and must be trained to be good. Almost daily we hear how "cruel" children can be . But where does this cruelty really come from? According to Dr. Alice Miller, author of Banished Knowledge: Facing Childhood Injuries, it comes from the cruelty that children experience by even well-intentioned parents and other adults who blindly treat children cruelly "for their own good". While society condemns some forms of emotional, physical and sexual abuse, there are many ways that we hurt children without realizing it; shaming, scolding, punishing, withdrawing love, isolating them, scaring them needlessly, expecting too much of them, expect

Dr. Miller assures parents that if you treat your child in the same way you would treat an adult friend, your children will grow up to be healthy, happy people. Children need adults to trust them, respect them, and expect good things from them. When we treat children as if we do not trust them to do the right thing, we hurt them and disappoint them. Children will naturally adopt behaviours that they see their parents doing . According to Dr. Alice Miller, "It is only from adults that an unloved child learns to hate or torment and to disguise these feelings with lies and hypocrisy. That is why, when the child has grown up, he or she will say that child children require norms and disciplining: This lie provides access to adult society, a lie that permeates all pedagogy and, to this day, psychoanalysis. " Dr. Miller explains further : "Some people accuse me of exaggeration when I speak of child abuse in cases of a strict but nevertheless "normal" upbringing that has "nothing unusual" about it. Yet it is precisely the widespread nature of this type of childrearing that makes a warning imperative...So-called "insufferable" children have been turned into such by adults...Their insensitivity toward the child's suffering is fully supported by society, since, most people, including the experts, share this blindness..."

Adults worry that they will spoil their child if they do not punish or discipline them. However, Dr. Miller asserts that children will naturally treat everyone they come in contact with respectfully and compassionately and with kindness if they have been treated this way from birth. All the techniques for controlling the child and manipulating them into acting like "good" human beings are based on the erroneous assumption that the child needs discipline to be taught to be respectful, responsible and good. For example, in a time-out strategy to control inappropriate behaviour, small children who act out their pain and frustration are not

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