I was a stepchild, I can tell you from first hand experience, that "step" relationships can be some of the most trying we face as social animals. Often times, children enter stepfamilies with a history of loss and change which is beyond their control. They may have endured a troubled, possible abusive marriage and or the painful death of a parent. In either case the family structure has been changed dramatically. In many cases, the will wonder if they are somehow to blame for events which have changed the family dynamic. Some children feel that they are unworthy of their parent's love.

Many children assume that they are responsible for the absence of their parent. Many children believe that their misbehavior may have been the reason. The child's subsequent lack of feeling worthy, can cause children to behave or misbehave, in different ways. They may withdraw from activities with friends and family, they may even think things like, "How can anyone love me, my own parent didn't even love me?" Children may misbehave because they are angry with themselves. One method of helping the child deal with his or her feeling of guilt is, for the adults (parents) to visit with the child

Children are often angry about the losses they have experienced because they had no input about decisions that were made, I know this was the case in my situation. They are living within a new set of relationships because of their parents' choices, not theirs. A child may be experiencing feelings of frustration, sadness, fear, and jealousy as well as the confusion created by all these feelings, which can result in anger.

The key to dealing with these issues is understanding. Stepfamilies are structurally and emotionally different from first families. Adjusting to all these changes is difficult for children. They cannot enjoy the new family until they have had a chance to feel hurt, sadness and angr about the losses and changes they have experienced. Children of any age are confused if it is not clear to them what is going on around them.

Children, particularly young children, believe their families will always be the one constant in their lives. When divorce or death alters their traditional family unit, they are dramatically let down. This loss could potentially damage their trust in adults, including their own parents.

Children may be afraid that all relationships will end in failure and that they may lose another family. This fear may make it difficult for the child to form a bond with his or her new family members. Children may worry that their new stepparent may not like them and may reject them. Some children may also worry that their own parent will divorce them. Then when a remarriage takes place and the parent shares his or her love and attention with new stepfamily members, a child's fear of abandonment can become even more intense.

In conclusion, I would like to reiterate my opening sentence, "Step" relationships can be some of the most trying we face as social animals. It has taken me almost twenty years to accumulate the interpersonal relationship skills necessary to understand the particular difficulties that arise in these situations. One thing that I realized throughout the writing of this paper was that, there are very few step relationship participants that have access to the relational tools. Until recently, I was one of these people; I was forced to learn these skills the hard way. Years of fighting, on more than one occasion these fights became physical, and they always resulted in more pain than either of us felt to begin with. Step relationships do not have to exist and develop this way any more. There are so many ways of dealing with the issues associated with step relationships, there are workshops, family counseling centers, therapists, mediators just to name a few. During the period of time that my step relationships was struggling the most, there was not as much access to the resources that people need in order to work through these issues, now there is. All you need is the desire to make your step relationship successful and you have taken the first step towards the solutions.

. Children and adults need to accept the fact that children can show affection to more than two parental adults. Adults should avoid competing for a child's affection and

Some common words found in the essay are:
Understanding Stepparenting, biological parent, step relationships, children believe, disloyal biological parent, love children, divorce death, disloyal biological, help children, parents stepparents, children feel, family children, relationships trying social, parents stepparents understand, trying social animals, step relationships trying,
Approximate Word count = 2097
Approximate Pages = 8 (250 words per page double spaced)