A formal definition gives us the scientific meaning behind a word. Dictionaries are the chief providers of these definitions of what people would like to know. According to Webster's Third New International Dictionary 1986, marriage is defined as "the statute of being united to a person of the opposite sex as husband and wife," or "and intimate close reunion." After looking into Webster's Encyclopedic Unabridged Dictionary of the English Language 1996, I found another definition, one that is provided ten years later. The dictionary states marriage is "the legal or religious ceremony that formalizes the decision of a man and woman to live as husband and wife, including the accompanying social festivities" and "the state, condition, or relat

ionship of being married, such as wedlock." I am surprised that none of these dictionaries define marriage with love, happiness, or togetherness. Isn't that what marriage is all about? Wrong. Marriage is about so much more. Marriage is about survival of the fittest. Only the strong survive.

Most people, women and men, want to be romanced. We go through "Consummation- - talking, touching, 'making love'," feeling that everything is going to last forever (Psychological Self-Help N.P.). This "romantic love" blinds people. Most people take this stage as 'I am in love and it will always stay this way.' Most believe that this is what marriage is. Marriage is this passionate love for one another, and nothing is ever going to change that. This is the stage when we start to talk about marriage because we feel that this 'love' is going to last forever. Not only is this love on an emotional level, but "there are actually physiological processes that occur" (Lipthrott 1). In every human is a peptide called PEA, or phenoethalymine. This peptide "increases energy, feelings of well being, positive outlook, and diminishes pain" (Lipthrott 1). When the body produces PEA, it gives us the energy to wake up in the morning after no sleep, and it allows the body to function as if we had slept all night. PEA is proven to increase sexual desire, or those "impulses" that we act upon. It increases those "heat of the moment" desires. This stage allows us to feel perfect, in love, hopeful, and most of all, it gives us confidence. Confidence not only in ourselves but with our partner as well. (Lipthrott n.p.; Miles n.p.; Psychological Self-Help n.p.).

When we, a couple, realize that we have the strength to go on, then we have reached stage three, "Acceptance," (Miles 1), as well as "Knowledge, Awareness, and Transformation" (Lipthrott 3). Acknowledging and accepting these faults can compromise any situation. Once we know that we are committed to changing, the transformation takes place. Many say, 'Well, how do we move on? How do we change?" These questions are not for one person to answer. 'Experts' suggest counseling, other's suggest looking at other marriages, but I suggest talking and understanding. Remember the myth, "Married people understand each other without talking" (Psychological Self-Help n.p.). That is like saying, "I know him, even though I've never talked to him." Besides hard work, talking is a key to success. It's the level that the whole world communicates upon. We, as couples, need to talk about our problems, find what we can do to change them, and do it. Couples need to "grow together" (Miles 1). Both may try to resist the changes, but resist the resistance to change. One must find the needs, find the partner's needs, and then compromise. (Lipthrott n.p.; Miles n.p.; Psychological Self-Help n.p.).

Bartlett, John. Familiar Quotations. 16th ed. Boston: Little, Brown and Company, 1992.

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