All contractions are intentional and are included to set the tone of the essay.

As Bob Taylor drove through the ghetto on his regular route home, he looked to his left and saw two people with Japanese-looking symbols tattooed on their bodies beating the living daylight out of each other. Bob chuckled at the sight and continued driving home. When he got home, he turned on the TV and watched the news. Bob laughed hysterically when he heard the report on a lunatic spraying bullets at a school in Arkansas. Bob took out the videotape he got from Block Buster and shoved it into his VCR. Bob leaned back and smiled as he watched Tom Hanks pump lead into a German solider. Everyday people see violence, accept it, and laugh at it; violence is perfectly acceptable from guns, the media, and drunkards.

Guns are tools of mass destruction that every American should own. Guns can reduce the population of overcrowded areas, do away with unwanted trespassers, and provide solutions for arguments. Overcrowding has always been a problem; good thing some genius invented the gun! Guns are now the answer to overpopulation. Don't want to wait in a long line?

mystery man just yell, "Get off of my property!" and fire away with your trusty 14mm shotgun. And don't worry about the police; they can't do anything about it. It is your property not theirs. Finally, guns are helpful in those pointless and annoying arguments. Are you tired of bickering and arguing about the stupidest things with your companions? Are your annoying friends babbling about senseless things that you have strong opposite feelings for? Just pull out your PP7 pistol and shoot them in the head. This is the quickest and most effective way to make anyone be quiet. Guns are very useful tools for solving everyday problems such as overcrowding, trespassers, and arguments; guns should be more accessible and less expensive.

Where would guns be without television? Television is the prime source for Americans to see and hear about violence. Things like violent TV shows, violence in the news, and violent movies are the best forms of entertainment. Shows like Southpark, Pro-wrestling, and Celebrity Deathmatch provide violence in a hysterical and clever way for Americans. With limbs flying, heads rolling, blood gushing, and Kenny dying, Southpark is the best source for comical animated violence. Almost every single episode the character named Kenny is brutally killed. With the twist of Kenny dying a different way each time, Southpark keeps getting funnier and funnier. Pro-wrestling is also a popular genre with plenty of live-action violence. Most people find it utterly hilarious to see two beefy men in spandex beat the smithereens out of each other. Pro-Wrestl

Some common words found in the essay are:
Tom Hanks, Celebrity Deathmatch, Violence TV, Spice Girls, Bob Taylor, Fight Club, Bone Collector, War II, Answer Note, Private Ryan, celebrity deathmatch, domestic violence, kenny dying southpark, saving private, tv movies, private ryan, fight club, violence violent, hand-to-hand combat, bone collector, pro-wrestling celebrity deathmatch, saving private ryan, dying southpark,
Approximate Word count = 1066
Approximate Pages = 4 (250 words per page double spaced)