The Shocking Experience of Divorce to Childrens
9 Pages
2373 Words

When a boat is sinking, all the passengers are given life preservers.

When a marriage comes to an end, a similar state of emergency exists, but no

one hands you a life preserver. You and your children are on your own,

thrashing about, trying hard to survive. Many parents in this situation feel like

helpless, frightened children themselves, wishing someone or something would

save them. Imagine, then, how devastated and powerless children feel. A

separation and divorce is a shocking experience for them, for their very

existence depends on their parents. They sustain tremendous losses and

experience great pain, during, and after divorce. This crisis and tragedy of

divorce is that this time, when parents are usually least able to help or even

think about helping, is when children need their help most of all (Bienfeld,1). The

effects of divorce on children can be devastating.

To children, divorce does not mean the second chance that it so often

means to one or both parents. To children it is the loss of their family - the entity

that provides them with support, stability, security, and continuity in an often

unpredictable world (Bienenfeld, 92). Children assume that their family is a given

and that their parents are permanent. Studies uniformly find that divorce is a jolt

to most children. Even youngsters that have lived in tense, conflict-ridden home

for many years seldom think of divorce as a remedy for unhappiness; the remedy

would be for parents to stop fighting (92). When suddenly divorce becomes

reality, the assumptions children have accepted as givens and the structure they

have relied on crumble, they feel not only vulnerable but powerless to have any

influence on a situation the profoundly impacts their lives.

During a divorce children's feelings become extremely confused. Many

children feel intensely rejected, perceiving that the parent is leaving them as w...

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