When you think of how to fasten several pieces of paper together, hanging paintings on walls, or closing those annoying flesh wounds you often find yourself reaching for a "Stapler" or one of its kinfolk. The "Stapler" is one of the most often taken for granted instruments of civilization that exists in the world today. There are very few people out in this wide open space we call the planet Earth that fully realize the bonds in which our "Staplers" toil on a daily basis. Fewer still realize the rich history and culture that is the "Stapler"'s existence. Within these pages we will be exploring the fantastick world that is the "Stapler" and its function in Western Civilization.

The Subjugated Theological Abiotic Postulating Leveraged Ergonomic Repunctuator; commonly referred to as the "STAPLER" was created by John L. Stapler on September 3rd 22AD. The Stapler was initially held as a fantastickally demonic device. And competed on technological levels with Gutenberg's printing press and Gate's Microsoft. And philosophical levels with Ovid's Metaphorosis and Georg Hegen. Although it was created in Boston Mississippi it wasn't manufacture

Do: Use your Stapler for Good not Evil

As with just about everything these days, the "stapler" can be blamed for the growing rate of violence in our school system. The "stapler" by its very design is a metaphor for violence. The double prongs like vicious teeth, pierce ever-so-easily through parchment or more, with a mere slam of the fist. Children exposed to such a violent instrument from a very young age grow to believe that violence is acceptable in society. And it is only a matter of time until they start reaching out with their "staplers" to wreak havoc on people and the world around them.

Don't: Use your Stapler while Intoxicated or while otherwise under the influence of narcotics

The "staples" are then transferred from the mines to the Antarctic minting facility, where they are polarized, vulcanized, and otherwized. From this location, the "staplers" are transported via galleon, frigate, nuclear submarine, and single-masted longboat to Guam, then to Byzantium, then back to Guam. In Costa Rica, they have mosquitos the size of your head. In Tibet, ...."Free Tibet!" Anyway, the staples are shrink-wrapped, boxed, then the boxes are shrink-wrapped, and then packed in crates with all those little Styrofoam thingies, then air-dropped to the Botswana distribution facility.

d until 57BCE in Constantinople and wasn't actually used until 1951AD in Istanbul.

The "Stapler" was originally made out of enchanted wool, but is modernly manufactured out of a Steel base and a Plastic casing, with a compressed coiled spring in the vertex of the apparatus which exerts a precision amount of centrifugal torsion on the repunctuating center. Simply put when affected with a human stimulus be it ever so slight the supplemental propulsion shaft ejects a minuscule metal projectile into a wood pulp composite solid. What most people don't realize however is that in the heart of every "stapler" there is still a very small amount of enchanted wool injected into every "stapler" that rolls off the great assembly lines of the Scottish Highlands where the "staplers" are collated with the love and affection that only a large man in a skirt can provide.

Some common words found in the essay are:
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Approximate Word count = 1527
Approximate Pages = 6 (250 words per page double spaced)