I was present when one of my dearest friends, Kenny, chose to end his life. He was only nineteen years old. When Kenny died, my life, my world, was instantly turned upside down. Everything became immediately foreign and I was changed as a person. In a second, I lost all control over my normalcy.

I went to school with Kenny's brother and roommate, James. We were all very close and spent most of our spare time in each other's company. They had a house, just down the street from their parents', in the mountains, about a half-hour from town. When I wasn't at work or school, I was there. I would frequently spend the weekend there sometimes just hanging out with the boys, doing a whole lot of absolutely nothing.

We were really into punk shows, and,

We got back to the house and started drinking beer. Kenny told us it was his last night on Earth many times, but he appeared to be having a good time, just the same. He wanted to make a list of who got what, a will of sorts, but being the bachelor pad it was, he couldn't find a sheet of paper to write it on.

Finally, I remembered the list. I know it seems morbid, but I just wanted time, time to think of what to do, time for him to realize how ridiculous this was. I screamed, "The list! Tell him he has to make his list first!"

James accepted the ride without a second thought, a two-hour bus ride couldn't be fun. When we arrived, Kenny beckoned me inside. I saw the classic green mustang parked out front and knew Joy, his girlfriend, must be in the house. When I got in, Joy looked as if she'd been crying and Kenny informed me that it was to be his "last night on Earth" because, among other things, Joy had dumped him. He melodramatically insisted that I stay so that he and I could hang out a final time. I did not take him seriously, but finally, I relented. Joy and I talked for a few minutes about why she had broken up with him and what to do about him talking about suicide. After a few minutes, she had to leave.

Drugs had consumed Kenny when he was younger. He had cleaned up his act and had been doing very well until a few weeks previous. All of his problems stemmed from his recent fall back into drugs. He started missing work and his boss saw through his charades and excuses. Joy was leaving him because she didn't want to see him ruin himself, nor could she let him drag her down with him. He was very at ease and comfortable and made it clear that he didn't want us to see him or be involved, he just wanted us to be there for him until he was ready. I honestly thought he was just being overly dramatic and probably felt like committing suicide, but would never really do it. I couldn't comprehend him, Kenny, doing anything but picking himself up, dusting off, and moving on.

I found Kenny in his room and he proceeded to tell me all of the reasons for killing himself. His girlfriend dumped him, he couldn't find his paycheck, he lost $80.00 of his father's money, he was on the verge of losing his job, he thought he would lose the house because he couldn't find his paycheck, etc. I tried to tell him everything wasn't so bad. I rattled off seemingly simple solutions to all of his problems. He just laughed at me. All he needed to do was pull himself together.

I poked fun at the jeans he was wearing, faded black stonewash, and asked who could want to die in something so ugly? Yet, nothing I said seemed to deter him.

At the time, I thought he just needed to calm down, relax a little, and quit stressing so hard. Hindsight is 20/20 and now, of course, I realize that alcohol is a depressant, the last thing to give someone in his condition. Not to mention that Kenny had not slept since the Thursday night before and had partied all weekend long.

Some common words found in the essay are:
Tonya Mike, James McFeeters, Friend Suicide, Earth Joy, James Tammy, Kenny James, James' Mike, Tammy James, Patrick's Day, Kenny's James, james tried, st patrick's day, night earth, house street, lost control, tell list, kenny died, couldn't paycheck, drop truck, crying james, kenny james,
Approximate Word count = 3855
Approximate Pages = 15 (250 words per page double spaced)