Spontaneous Human Combustion

A detailed Summary of Spontaneous Human Combustion

1. What is the leading cause of death with lesbians?

2. How do you know if a blonde has been sending e-mail?

Answer: You see a bunch of envelopes stuffed into her disk drive.

3. What can Life Savers do that men cant?

4. What is good on pizza but bad on *censored*?

5. Why does Miss Piggy douche with honey?

Answer: Because Kermit likes sweet and sour pork.

6. How can you tell if you have a high sperm count?

Answer: If your girlfriend chews before swallowing.

7. What do you get when you get Raggedy Ann and the Pillsbury Dough Boy together?

Answer: a red headed bitch with a yeast infection.

8. How do you piss off Winnie The Pooh?

Actual Label Instructions on consumer goods:

On Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.

(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

On a bag of Fritos:You could be a winner! No purchase necessary.

Details inside. (The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap.

On some Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost.

14. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and

16. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help

10. What did Bill Clinton say to Monica?

18. What do you do with 365 used rubbers?

I believe five out of four people have trouble with fractions.

Approximate Word count = 1763
Approximate Pages = 7 (250 words per page double spaced)

Category: Miscellaneous

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