Most people are obsessed with identifying the culprit who is responsible for a dispute. However, determining who is at fault is an impossible task. This process requires that identifying who and what sets you off, understand the causes and origins of your entrenched patterns, and work through your discomfort until you are willing to accept greater responsibility for your troubles. You not taking responsibility by accepting blame yourself instead of blaming the other person. There is a tendency to sidestep responsibility for what has happened before and what continues to take place in the conflicted relationship. Constructing a list of excuses, preferably as long as possible, is part of the strategy for avoiding responsibility and being let off the hook. To deny your share of responsibility in any conflict us clearly a distortion of reality. As with any self-respecting mechanism, blaming others for misdeeds allows you to maintain a positive self-image in light of attacks perceived as threatening. While trying to explain one's action by appealing to some greater good is not the same as denying one's responsibility for creating a conflict. Another means by which to disown responsibility is to focus on the issue of intentionally: you may have done it, but you did not mean to. To imply that you were coerced into acting this way simply put you had no choice; you were forced to do it is a third possible response. However, each of these denials will only be employed when responsibility can be proven. The first choice is to always deny that you had anything to do with the situation in the first place. To blame others is counterproductive, but can be just as destructive as blaming you. Instead of dwelling on who is at fault your time would be better spent accepting responsibility for overcoming the problem and taking charge and working through it.

To view communication as a people process rather than as a language process is one way to understand communication better. If we are to make fundamental improvements in communication, we must make changes in interpersonal relationships. One possible type of alteration is that of reducing the degree of defensiveness.

However, understanding that transcendent behavior is not a method for resolving moral conflicts, thinking they are neutral ground without values, blindly realistic and not a remedy for all situations. Transcendent discourse is worthy of consideration as a response to a moral conflict. By realizing the limits of our own philosophical assumptions we will find the ability to disagree without silencing the other side through repression, injury and pain or death. Even though this type of discourse is uncommon it does have value and needs to be nourished because it perhaps is the only honest basis for hope.

Following a history of contrariness and stubborn opposition to parental directives, I was becoming increasingly more difficult for my mother to manage without the consistent support of my father. With my self-centered adolescent perspective I had begun to use my parent's deteriorating marital situation to my own advantage. I made unreasonable demands of one parent, displayed "temper tantrum-like" behavior when my demands were not met, and, finally, manipulated the other parent to get my way. My coercive behavior escalated a number of times from verbal "freshness" and cursing to physical attacks on my mother. My anger and aggression occurred when I did not receive desired objects, when food was not prepared as desired, and when my mother refused for complete academic or household tasks for me. Another escalating chain of events occurred when I lied to my mother, about having taken money and clothing, and my mother confronted me. I responded with aversive verbalizations directed toward my mother's attempt to "catch me in a lie".

The key to working through conflicts, is not to minimize its disadvantages, emphasize it's pos

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Approximate Word count = 2988
Approximate Pages = 12 (250 words per page double spaced)