Things not to say during sex
*(in a janitor's closet) And they say romance is dead... *A little rug burn ever hurt anyone! *Sweetheart, did you lock the back door? *But whipped cream makes me break out. *Person 1: This is your first time..right? Person 2: Yeah.. today *(in the No Tell Motel) Hurry up! This room rents by the Hour! *Can you please pass me the remote control? *On second thought, let's turn off the lights. *And to think- I was really trying to pick up your friend! *(using body paint) Try not to leave any stains, okay? *Hope you're as good looking when I'm sober... *(holding a banana) It's just a little trick I learned at the zoo! *Do you get any premium movie channels? *Try not to smear my make-up, will ya! *(preparing to use peanut butter sexually) But I just steam-cleaned this couch! *I thought you had the keys to the handcuffs!
*I think my dad is listening at the door. *Oprah Winfrey had a show about men like you! *I thought that goes in the other hole.... *Do you know what some female spiders do after sex? *Did I mention my transsexual operation? *Stop moaning, you sound so stupid. *When is this supposed to feel good? *Can you hold this sandwhich for me? *I'm sobering up and you're getting ugly! *You'll still vote for me, won't you?
Some common words found in the essay are:
Dive Dive, Wilt Chamberlain, Aunt Martha, Motel Hurry, Fatal Attraction, Dr Ruth, , Candid Camera, Medic-Alert Pendant, Whaddaya I'm, *is ok, *did tell, home *are real, *of course, *i hope, don't love, worse girl, *did mention, home *are, i'm doing, *are real,
Approximate Word count = 1649
Approximate Pages = 7 (250 words per page double spaced)
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