As little girls most women dreamed of the perfect wedding, the perfect husband and the perfect marriage, yet, in recent history this dream has been shattered for many. One common statistic is that out of ten American marriages five divorce and two remain unhappy. As divorce is difficult for childless women, women with children have a much more precarious position. When women are left to a slight disadvantage with divorce, not only to deal with the emotional loss of a marriage, yet also the financial and legal difficulties. Women are more often then not caught in a trap created by gender expectations, making it more difficult to readjust their already difficult divorce.

When marriages do not work out there is one of only two solutions, to stay together for the sake of the children or to divorce for the sake of themselves. Many are fearful of divorce, concerned that it may emotionally damage their child. These worries are unfounded. While single parent households hold the stigma of unbalanced and unhealthy living environments the case is generally not so. Many house

My mother and I started off the divorce living with another family, which my mother did not enjoy. Not to say that she was not grateful, she could not be more so. More accurately she was ashamed to depend on another, even in a time of need. After a few months she was able o afford her own apartment. It was a tiny studio apartment that was basically the size of a small living room with a small bathroom attached. For a short time my mother could not afford furniture. Every night we would have to lay blankets on the floor to sleep on. On more then one occasion I would wake up to cockroaches crawling across the blankets. After a few months my mother was finally able to afford a sofa bed which we both sleep on for years.

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My mother did not receive much from the divorce property wise either. Since she was the one who left my father was allotted the house. My mother at least received all except a few pieces of the furniture. She had to sell just about everything she got in the settlement to make ends meet. The only things she has left from the divorce or a few pieces of artwork. Also, since each parent had shared custody of me and my mother was working at the time of the divorce my father did not have to pay child support or alimony. My mother had to find a new home, make a new life and pretty much start over with nothing. To make it worse she had a small child to take care of.

With the typical divorce the mother is almost always given full custody of the child, especially in the state of California. My father decided that it was important to him to keep his only child, as much as the court tried to convince him of not. My mother wanted full custody of me, while my father cited my mother as unfit parent and claimed full custody for himself. I was too young at the time to say either way. The court dictated that each parent and myself should see the court therapist so that she may give professional insight. After a few sessions of therapy she could not come up with any other solution other then joint custody, which neither parent warmed up to.

I clearly remember the summer of 1986. My father was in the Navy reserves then and left for a weekend as he used to do once a month. A few hours after he left one weekend I remember my mother packing up some our possessions. We drove to a friend's house where she unpacked and she expected to stay for a few days. My father did not know where we were. My mother had kidnapped me to win an argument from before my father left town. She expected him to beg her back. Instead her served her divorce papers. I was five years old.

My mother left my father with practically nothing. She was back to work for less then two years where she was a bank teller. Neither of my parents had attended college at the time of the split. Neither one had any great prospects for the future. They were equal in education although my father did work in the Navy for a few years so her had more professional experience. In later years after the divorce I watched when both of my parents went back to school. They both had a new life to build, emotionally, financially, and educationally.

Frustrated with the lack of career fulfillment she decided to go back to college. As she did not have financial supports she had to pay for her education herself. She would hold down two part time jobs while she went back as a full time student double majoring in Psychology and Education. After receiving her Bachelor's degree she stuck it out to receive her Masters in Education so that she may be an elementary school teacher. Not many women get this far on their own, to be able to start a new life for themselves and their families, starting with nothing. Even now, as she is settled into tenure at the school she teaches at she still holds a part time job at a local Pizza Parlor so that she can pay back all of her student loans. After she just finished puttin

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Approximate Word count = 3549
Approximate Pages = 14 (250 words per page double spaced)