English grammar is, by international consensus, the worst grammar to get a handle on. It's hopelessly complicated and even more intricate. Most languages follow a tried and true formula. You put the subject of the sentence in first, then you add the object, and then you slap on the verb. You're done. Compounding is done by a nice series of "ands" or "buts." English, well, we have to do things the hard way.

Part of the problem with English is that we don't really understand our own grammar. I don't know how they do things in places where English isn't around to torture people, but around here, they just don't teach grammar well. It's difficult, darn it. It's not fun either. If you had someone write up a list of mind-numbingly boring things, grammar w

The first big thing is the subject. That's what your sentence is about. Usually we call this a noun, but sometimes it can be a noun phrase. What's the difference? A noun is one word a noun phrase is two or more. Jimbo and Bubba or students, teachers, and lunch ladies. You get the idea. This is the driver of your little vehicle. Your subject decides where to go and turns the wheel so that the engine and everything else along for the ride cruise around in an understandable and hopefully legal way. Speeding is a bad thing. Especially when there's a nice police officer behind you. This part is easy, you got a handle on that. Subject, noun, yeah!

Some cars you share the road with are huge. You've got SUVs, trucks, and those monstrous 18-wheelers that blow past you in a rush of diesel stench. Compound sentences are the big diesels of the grammar world. You've got a 500 cat engine lugging up to 80,000 pounds of cargo down the road at 70 miles an hour; you might want to know a little bit about it. A compound sentence is exactly what the word implies, more than one. I went to the store and bought some film. That's a simplistic compound sentence. You've got the driver, "I," and two engines, "went" and "bought." There's a lot more to it than that, of course, but a compound sentence is a sentence and a phrase or another sentence hitched together with a conjunction of some sort. Our fifth wheel in the previous case was a word "and." Sometimes we use punctuation. Now punctuation can get a little tricky. If you slap together a complete sentence and a phrase you can use a comma to do it. I am a gorgeous, incredibly smart woman, noticeably vain, too. Noticeably vain is what we call a dependent clause or a phrase. It needs to have the first part of the sentence in order to make sense. Now if you slap together two complete sentences, we call those independent clauses, then you have to use a conjunction or a semi-colon. It looks cool, but a comma is wrong. Like when a tire blows off a big rig and slams into someone's windshield, a comma splice is bad news. I am such an egotistical woman; everyone loves me anyway. Easy, right? Just look to see how many complete sentences you have and you'll know whether or not to use a comma or a semi-colon.

In the space of a few minutes I gave you a crash course in how to drive a car. Whoops. I mean in how to use basic English grammar. It's not nearly as hard as English teachers make it out to be. Who ever diagrammed a sentence in real life anyway? My boss never once said Muffin, copy these, file these, mail these, and diagram these sentences by two o'clock or you're fired. Understanding what you're using is a good way to begin understanding how to use it. Now, there's a lot more to grammar and punctuation, but the basics aren't that hard at all. We only have three basic parts to a sentence, the subject, the predicate, and the object. We have a few things to spiffy up the sentence so maybe you can sell it to a used car lot for more than a few hundred bucks. Modifiers are good for making thi

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Approximate Word count = 2042
Approximate Pages = 8 (250 words per page double spaced)