Conrad has locked himself into a horrible self-fulfilling prophecy, a prophecy in which he is an unlovable, worthless member of his community. This prophecy was developed from his concept of the "me" part of his "self", that of a rotten kid, whom needs to be punished all time. The "me" was developed from his self-image, or his looking-glass self, which derived from his thoughts used to make meaning out of the language used by the other people he viewed himself through. Conrad was always hard on him-self; therefore he always interpreted other peoples' language towards him as being as equally hard, or harder. As his dad said, "You didn't need it. You were always so hard on yourself, I never had the heart," when talking about disciplining him when he was a child. (pg. 257) To keep control over the rottenness which he saw within him-self, Conrad always denied the "I" part of his "self". He feared the unpredictability that came with indulging the primal "I". By denying the "I" he never t

Conrad's healing came through the help of Dr. Berger who played the role of participant observer. He listened to Conrad as an impartial party, and because he was impartial Conrad felt it was possible to open up to him. As a participant observer, with Conrad's trust, he was able discover how Conrad interpreted his world and help him adjust those interpretations to be true to the communities as a whole.

The next milestone for Conrad was after his friend, Karen's death. He learned of her death and tried to internalize the pain he felt. He began to feel shaky, wanted to the pain to go away. He became afraid he might do something to himself again, and went to Dr. Berger for help. Dr. Berger explains, "Listen, what happened this morning was that you let yourself feel some pain. Feeling is not selective, I keep telling you that. You can't feel pain, you aren't going to feel anything else, either. And the world is full of pain. Also Joy. Evil. Goodness. Horror and love. You name it, it's there. Sealing yourself off is just going through the motions." He is telling Conrad not to be afraid of the "I" part of his "self". (pg. 226). He is letting him know that he doesn't have to keep it under control all of the time. It is okay to feel.

Another milestone for Conrad happened while he was at the library. He noticed an attractive woman staring at him and figured that she was either looking at him with pity or disgust. Later in the parking lot he bumps into her and she says, "I embarrassed you in there, didn't I? I'm sorry. You're very good looking. But I'm sure you already know that." (pg. 134). Later, at home he looked at himself in the mirror and feels good about himself, but this feeling soon turns to guilt, because he's supposed to hate himself. He starts thinking, "The freak, the one-man side show answer no longer fits. So what is the catch? Some danger I am not yet aware of? What will I have to pay for thinking well of myself." (pg. 135). After he puts himself down like he normally does, he has a thought that shows he is ready to start healing. When he thinks, "Whatever the price, it is worth it. Even for ten minutes, it is worth it," Conrad begins to realize that he like feeling good about himself. When telling the story later to Dr. Berger, Conrad tries to self deprecate himself by saying, "What d'you think? She's probably some woman who goes around saying stuff like that to guys all the time, huh?" (pg. 136). He doesn't want to accept a different version of his looking-glass self other than that of what he perceives his mother's to be. Dr. Berger, through humor, helps him realize that he is misinterpreting things when he says, "She's probably some woman who goes around saying stuff like that to guys who are hideously ugly. You know to make em' feel better about themselves." Through this exchange Conrad learns that it is all right to adjust his looking glass-self to account for others perceptions. He doesn't have to feel guilty if something makes him feel good.

ruly allowed his "self", the merging of the "I" and the "me", to develop. Internalizing all the raw feelings associated with the "I" became so painful that he eventually attempted suicide. Conrad finally healed

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Approximate Word count = 2168
Approximate Pages = 9 (250 words per page double spaced)