You know the waiting as well as I do. The time you dread more than a five foot needle stuck in your backside. You feel the rage. You work harder than hell for some decent medical insurance only to wait like a flea-bitten dog for a miserable bone.

             Waiting in line to fill out a form. Waiting for a bubblegum-smacking bimbette to point out an pale plastic seat. The terrible waiting in a terrible waiting room. A colour-coded monstrosity overflowing with wheezing zombies staring a flat-paint walls. Or burying their weird heads in magazines best lining Aunt Betty's birdcage. The thought of sitting elbow to elbow in a room full of sick people makes me that much sicker.

             Admit it! Any person forcing you to wait that long deserves a serious smack in the face. I want to smack him now before I get the bill. I want to smack him for his poor taste in decor. I want to yell and smack the SOB for his magazine selection alone. And I definitely want to smack this germ-carrying freak next to me coughing up the Ebola virus in my direction.

             Looking up at the so-called secretary with a tic-tac for a brain, you wonder how these people avoid illness wading through room after room of dancing bacteria. Does their low IQ afford them some special immunity? Does the death of ambition lead to life extension? If I had more time I'd look into this a bit further. Maybe it's true: only the good die young.

             Why does a pharmacist make as much as money as an average doctor? Their difference in education is six years. Yet my pharmacist leaves his drugstore every evening in a BMW and returns in the morning driving a Jaguar. And he's giving 10% discounts to senior citizens for heart pills. Something is wrong with this picture. If that's his brain on drugs, I wonder what is house looks like?.

             I'm not too fond of these doctors either. Nor are you---so don't deny it. They disguise everything. Stupid white lab coats hide body language. Unreadable handwriting, curiously enough, only pharmacists can read.